You’d be making a mistake if you weren’t cool enough to make me want to stay. I hate when men say that - it’s like, uh, that’s not your call to make, dude.
#The bachelorette finale full
He’s laying it on pretty thick - he gives Rachel a Spanish dictionary full of words like, “wife,” “forever,” and “leap of faith.” I’d be breaking out in hives if someone gave me that, but Rachel so badly wants a ring after all of this that she seems into it.īryan tells her she’d be making a mistake if she didn’t choose him. “I would spend the rest of my life loving you,” Bryan says. He’s wearing that watch she bought him in Geneva as they make out in the air. He’s trying to swallow Rachel’s whole face. How do you land these things?īryan’s kisses are gross. I don’t understand how hot air balloons work. Rachel rides horses and goes on a hot air balloon ride for her last date with Bryan before the Big Decision. THE LAST TWO DATES BEFORE THE REST OF RACHEL’S LIFE What if Bryan just takes out a knife and stabs Peter at the rose ceremony? That would be so wild. Peter doesn’t really seem that threatened by Bryan, because Bryan is a sleazy chiropractor and Peter is a hot personal trainer. Bryan, to the camera, is like “Now I have to win her heart,” and appears as though he would like to murder Peter. We cut back to the rose ceremony, where Bryan, and Rachel, and Peter are all drinking wine and looking depressed. #TheBacheloretteFinale /c4zg0YISCi- The Bachelorette August 8, 2017 I tell him that’s a dish known as Bachelorette Word Salad, and it’s best served cold. “How can he say nothing in so many words?” my roommate asks. The morning after, they’re both like, “Yeah, that was a step forward,” and it seems like Peter is still in this.
Rachel gives Peter the fantasy suite key because she clearly wants to sleep with him. I think that seems a little manipulative. He says that her crying and showing emotion about his not wanting to propose makes him feel like he’s closer to being able to propose. Peter says he’s still fighting for this, and Rachel says she is, too. “I hate Peter,” says my roommate, who has walked in and sat down on the couch after never having seen an episode of this show. You know those ones? Where you talk and talk and talk and argue and argue and argue about the same thing endlessly in a horrendous circle of sameness until one of you pulls the level, hops off the ride, and pukes from dizziness? This feels like the beginning stage of the merry-go-round ride that is an unsolvable argument with a significant other. Rachel is crying because Peter says he isn’t sure he can propose, and Peter is sad because he can’t tell her he could propose after two months of dating. We left Rachel and Peter on their fantasy suite date, aka, the first time they’re allowed to bang. Because if you’re charismatic and charming on live TV, then they make you do shit like having your ex-boyfriends in the room as you rewatch yourself break up with them. So the lesson here, folks, is: If you’re the Bachelorette, be boring and not cool. She’s like, “Why do you keep doing this to me?” and Chris “Airbrush Makeup” Harrison is like, “Because you’re so good.” This reminds me of the time they ambushed her with four of her suitors on live television at the beginning of her season. The questions he poses sound like he just read Therapy for Dummies and wants to give psychoanalysis a try (“And how did that make you feel, Rachel?”) She has to talk to Chris “Crest Whitestrips” Harrison about what’s happening as it happens. This is a level of uncomfortable I have seldom seen in all my three seasons as a Bachelor/ ette sportswriter: They’re making Rachel watch the finale in front of a live studio audience. THEY’RE MAKING HER LIVE-TWEET THE SHOW, BUT WITH HER WORDS ON A STAGE IN REAL LIFE? With all that said, let’s do the damn thing. Is it Monday yet? #hometowns #miami #305 #thebacheloretteĪ post shared by Dr. Because he’s not, like, the best (he is very attractive, but he has dabbled in casual racism, and he does speak like a Midwestern robot.) However: The other option is that Bryan wins, and Bryan wore an ombre outfit in public where humans with eyes could ACTUALLY SEE HIM.
I still think Peter wins, but I’m not super excited about it. However: The last time we left them, Peter couldn’t tell Rachel he would, with 100% certainty, be able to propose to her, so things are looking precarious for him. The producers used racism as a main source of drama throughout the doldrums (which is what I call episodes 3-7, where no one really cares that much), and Rachel is clearly more into Peter than she is into any of the other guys. But the show hasn’t been super fun this season. I’m usually pretty excited about the final episode, if only because it means I’ll get my Monday nights back once the damn thing is over.
This is it - our Super Bowl, our World Series, our NBA Finals, our NHL Playoffs.
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